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Remyth: Tell Nandi you're just not scared

When I was a very small girl, my mother was very committed to the idea that I would not be afraid. She understood that I'd feel fear and encouraged me to simply ignore it, walk around it or only give it a small amount of time. I am not sure if this was because she was scared often, or if it was because she was determined not to be.

She told me the story of the Bull and urged me to not be scared.

When she was a girl she had to walk to school past a field with a large Bull in it. Her gran made sure that she was not wearing anything with red in it-- be it orange or violet or pink, she wore muted things of green and brown and blue on days when she had school. She explained that for many months she would run past the bull's field, afraid of what he might do to her. She said that she would hold her breath and scurry past because if the Bull were to see her, he might destroy her. He might gore her on his big horns or trample her under his hard and heavy feet.

I am not sure what happened, but eventually after months, she decided to talk to the Bull. To have its blessing and to pass freely. And she did. She approached the Bull, spoke to it, made her requests and then she had safe haven to pass it daily. And she was no longer afraid.

Even today, when there is an obstacle, I talk to it. I search for its eyes and wish to appeal to its common sense, compassion and hopefulness. There're many gatekeepers-- and many bulls to pass and I keep walking, with my mouth moving and my eyes looking into theirs.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
thingie
Jan. 19th, 2009 09:39 pm (UTC)
That is a totally awesome story!

I am like that with my two biggest phobias. (one of which is large, prehistoric looking bugs) I also have a habit of possessing a fascination for what frightens me, so I find out as much as I can about it, and discover its own beauty.

there are some bugs I refuse to learn about (mainly because even pictures freak me out.) But I love true bugs, even though, if I were in a room with one, I would probably still freak out, but they are amazing, beautiful and wonderful creatures, with their own unique attributs (such as an immunity to pesticides, and the fact that they have no pupae stage. The insect in my avatar is a leptoglossus occidentalis, (western conifer seed bug.) You might run into a few of those in washington, if you live near a bunch of pine trees.) a "true bug" (hemiptera) that frightened the hell out of me when I lived in Idaho. However, they are also downright exquisite.

I guess a paraphrasing of what your mother said would be "know what you fear."

Because the fear of the unknown is the greatest fear of all.


anyway, I always felt that I would be a great entomologist if those critters didnt give me the willies so much.

Edited at 2009-01-19 09:42 pm (UTC)
bookshop
Mar. 7th, 2009 03:33 pm (UTC)

Thank you so so much for this. It's beautiful, and there are tears in my eyes.

May you never have to pass by anyone or anything who refuses to meet your gaze.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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misadventurelad
plastic sweat. metal skin. metallic tears.

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